I do agree that Ringu, and alot of the Japanese horror movies are the scariest, but for overall effect, The Labyrinth left me actually wanting me to slit my wrists. The movie was freaky enough, but the ending was soooooo sad.

background:white; font-family:verdana; font-size: 12px; color:black;" cellspacing=4 cellpadding=5><tr><td align="center">What color is your soul painted?

Purple

Your soul is painted the color purple, which embodies the characteristics of sensuality, spirituality, creativity, wealth, royalty, nobility, mystery, enlightenment, arrogance, gaudiness, mourning, confusion, pride, delicacy, power, meditation, religion, and ambition. Purple falls under the element of Earth, and was once a European symbol of royalty; today it symbolizes the divine.

Click Here to Take This Quiz</td></tr><tr><td align="center">
Quizzes and Personality Tests</td></tr></table>

I had a really good night tonight, although not the sort of night I had planned.

At work I was really having a hard time keeping it together as what my mother had said about my brother planning a suicide and finding out that instead, he thought I was coming to hunt him down, that I called an ex-coworker and we talked. She knows about my depression and listened to my recent past history. It helped lift me out somewhat. I think she sees what almost everyone else sees and that's that I use my nice face too much and could stand to be more of an asshole once in a while. -her words btw. Repressed rage is a bad thing.

I worked my ass off at work to keep my depression at bay.

Later, when I got home, I'd planned to go help with a rummage sale at our church, but when I arraved I noticed quite a few more heads in the patio windows than I am used to seeing.

Jenn and one of her friends had a nice little party started and so I grabbed a beer and sat down at the table with them to watch the kids play. Fired up some music. Relaxed a bit and then ordered a few pizzas.

My ex co-worker, Chris called again just to see how I was and admitted to calling my parents to get my number because it wasn't in the book. I'd given it to her husband earlier in the day but apparently he was off doing other things. We talked about an hour about how she thought my mom was the nicest person in the world and I tried not to laugh, and about work and about how I should take an opening in her building just so we could be back as a team again.. me, her, some dude named Dan I remember. Her boss, though is psychotic. She said, though, that it might make more of an asshole out of me to work under my old boss again.

Naaaah. I'm cool where I'm at. I don't need to become THAT much of an asshole.

I came back out and joined the party and figured that we weren't going to make the rummage sale thingy. No biggie anyway.

...........................

Made a dental appointment for Flora..her first, for July 3rd. The paperwork came in the mail today and I have to get that sent back out.

I'm working on getting counseling, and hopefully getting some accupressure work done. Gotta work out of this slump I'm in before it eats me.

Today at work a co-worker stormed out because finally, someone told her that she was overstepping her bounds...only they told her in an in-your-face, not-so-nice way. Usually, but not always, I get along with everyone, so when someone came back to me with gossip in their mouth and blood on their hands I just told her this:

A: Just because you're telling me this, it doesn't mean that I am listening.

and B: If I am listening, it doesn't mean, necessarily, that I'm on your side.

With that understanding, she nodded and walked away.

.....

I had one of those dreams last night and it seemed to last all night...

I was back in college, and clearly I found that I was waaaay over my head as I looked at my schedule and saw that it was finals week. I noticed that I had 4 final conflicts. Subatomic Physics, Genetics, Quantum Theory and Dog Defense. I guess the last one was all about defending yourself from dog attacks. Anyway, it was the day of those exams and the time was already 9:15 am. The finals were scheduled from 8am to 10am. I passed classroom after classroom seeing people hard at work, or emerging from the ir finals proclaiming that they couldn't wait for graduation day. I was running about like a decapitated chicken wondering how I was going to achieve finishing 4 finals in 45 minutes, how I was going to pass any of them, and who I could talk to to resolve this situation. Anyone I did try to talk to either turned away from me, gave me a half-assed answer, or referred me to someone else.

I've been wrestling with personal failure issues recently and I think this is a manifestation of them. Most of the time I can use my creativity to work out these feelings, but this time I think my own attempt at therapy fell way short.

.....

One of my individuals at work constantly practices with his electronic communication board which is, I'll contend, a rather complicated device. Amid a jumble of words he'd been practicing finding on his board I found this phrase:

"Everyone to remember to pass somebody the finger"

I adopted it as the day's motto.

.....

Well, this is my last evening before departing for Syracuse to join the rest of the fam. I've talked to Jenn and Flora every night. Mostly, Flora wants to talk to the dog. The dog is a good listener, as he looks at the phone and looks at me and presses his ear up into the earpiece (repeat several times) while Flora is talking to him. I'm anxious to see them. Its been a week. Lots of drama in both of our families this week which pretty much sent us on our own paths for a short time. I keep thinking "what planets are aligned to screw with people this time around?" I think I've been feeling it myself. Getting out of this town for a little bit will be healthy for me.

Tommorrow after work I'm swinging by the house, picking up the dog and a few provisions and heading out. Back on Sunday.

Doin' a little laundry right now and getting ready to take the dog for a walk.

I have a friend who recently (within the last 2 months) filed for bankruptcy and was really having a good time talking up how he was going to pay his lawyer 5 grand and get 75,000 out of debt just like that. He even joked about how he should have payed the lawyer off on his credit card.

I saw him today and asked him if he biked in to work. (He has a Harley he sometimes rides to work... I hadn't seen it lately and its prime weather for riding in on 2 wheels. I've been doin' the two wheel thing myself, only my wheels aren't motorized and have 15 speeds...to save gas. I digress.) He pointed me out to a car I'd never seen before and told me that he's been using THAT loaner.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

People are talking about it at work....ooooooh, the fiscal year is almost up! Will we get our raise? Our cost of living raise each year is usually 2% of our previous earnings. I know that the cost of living has risen way more than 2% of what I was paying out last year. Usually, at the end of the fiscal year, the company usually renegotiates its health plan, which is pretty good. The new premium usually offsets our 2% raise by quite a bit. So we actually get about a 3/4% cost of living raise. Weeeeee! I'm in hell!

I'm sure all of you are feeling the squeeze, unless you are an athlete or a top billed entertainer, producer or director. No offense, but in my humble opinion, we prioritize the entertainment biz often times too high. I'd like to see Any top billed athlete do what I do day in and day out. Okay, to be fair, I can hear any one of them saying just the same to me. *shrug* I'd likely have more fun trying though. :)

Just here real fast....

Today was a strange day. Work was pretty usual, and then I went out and did some work on the car. The side and rocker panels were looking pretty rusty. Got this paint that's supposed to be really durable though, for pickup truck beds. Took about an hour to complete the job, but I think it looks good even though I put no effort into matching the paint. We have a two tone car now. The job looks professional though.

Took the dog for a looong walk.

Today I found out that my brother was moved from his crises rehab group home into a hospital where he was admitted for at least a month. He is being re-evaluated for his meds and they are going to try and restabilize him. I guess that the group home saw the mental condition he was in and signed him in. I am totally satisfied with this arrangement as its something that I thought should have happened last time he was having problems about a month ago.

I'm going to give him two weeks there before I go to visit as one of his delusions was that I was planning on kidnapping and murdering him.

What is one supposed to think about that????

I'm going to have to be even more careful around him from now on.

What pisses me off about this whole mess..pardon me as I go into rant and rave mode..is that my mother originally told me that he was talking about suicide, which is usually a BIG cry for help and always gets my attention. My father told me later of the more disturbing truth. I realize that mother wants to protect her son, but by doing so, she's endangering everyone else. This is not the first time by far that she's embellished stories about him to protect him. I wish she'd get out of this fucking fantasy land she lives in occasionally and start thinking.

Sorry....

Just feeling kind of fucked up and pissed off right now...sometimes when you write down your thoughts they slap you right in the face for letting them out.

Today I heard someone say "I COULD CARE LESS" and I wondered why that meant 'I don't care at all.'. I think he meant 'I couldn't care less'... Once I heard a mother call her son (one of my friends a loooooong time ago) a son of a bitch. I wondered why that was an insult to the boy. Far as I was concerned, it was the dead truth.

I think too much...sheesh.

Oh...today my brother was signed into a rehab grouphome for 5 days or so. Though I don't agree with his placement, I have no say in what's going on. I'd actually like to see him re-evaluated for his meds as they seem to be failing him. The stressors in his life aren't helping either. I have no other details. This is fucked up. ...I realize I talk about my mom alot, but I get most of my news through her. When she has to vent, she calls me. I want to tell her to go back to NAMI even though she doesn't like to hear some of the things they are saying. Unfortunately, with all the information she had received through them, she was able to ride the high horse and play the stigma card whenever I tried to give her advise. Drama drama drama.

Sadly, I doubt I'll visit him (my brother)..this will be a first.

Okay, so the homeschooling fair wasn't a bust after all. For just a few bucks I got an armload of stuff including a stencil with all the letters and numbers on it, a bunch of books on how plants grow, where they grow, why they grow, etc, something called the word box which contains thousands of little cards with words on them and their pics with the letter they start with on the back, and an activity book with thousands of fun little activities for Flora in it varying from little crafts to word games to songs and stuff like that.

Walking into that fair was, I'll say, like being a long tailed cat walking into a room full of rocking chairs. About 90% of their books had a religious slant to them.. and tons and tons of Christian bibles! wow! Truth is, the home schooling community here is LARGELY made up of radical Christians. Even their door prizes were 100% religious, so I kept my ticket. I was likely the only Pagan there.

I ran past my parents house on the way to see if anyone wanted to join me before I left. I was quickly waved away, so I went myself.

Later on I found out that my brother was having a major crises, and ended up going back to the hospital. Mental problems coupled with girlfriend problems don't mix well at all.

I'm never welcome when my brother is having his mental breaks because for some reason I tend to aggrivate it just with my presense. He usually chooses me to focus his energy on. The last time I was there and this happened, many years ago, there was a knock down, drag out fight in my parents living room and the police showed. That thought still doesn't set well with me because I care about him.

Tomorrow I am going to a homeschooling fair here in Erie. I've never been to one and although we get good ideas here and there at garage sales, I am guessing that there is alot more out there than just books. At garage sales, you usually just get to pick what they have out, but on occasion my wife will get into a discussion with a like minded individual out there doing the garage sale thing and will be invited in to pick over whatever curricula, materials he/she may have. I'm not sure what to expect at this thing but I know one thing... this ought to be pretty interesting.